So it was for two residents of Insane Lane, who were owners of one bedroom condos. There names were Barbara and Meryl. They hated each other. Each one wanted to be Queen of the Condo. Each one had control issues. Each one was insane. Sadly, one lived above us and one lived next door to us. We were sandwiched in the middle. This was not a good place to be.
Meryl controlled the sprinkler and the hose in the front of the unit. Everyone who passed by our unit on the way to the dumpster or the pool got soaked every time Meryl turned on the sprinkler. She left it on for hours, at any time of the day or night depending on how angry or drunk she was. (Vodka was her favorite.) Her garden was a collection of local wild flowers, otherwise known as weeds. She went to garage sales and purchased broken ceramic pieces that she decorated the garden and the porch with. My favorite still is a black Scottie dog with an ear missing!
Meryl, as I have shared with you, hates people and loves animals. Even her boyfriend can't train her to use the hose or the sprinkler appropriately.
Barbara, too loved flowers. She was in love with the underground sprinkler. When we first came to Insane Lane, we only had a sprinkler in the front. This makes sense because that is where the flowers are. Barbara and Tony got on the condo board because they were owners and lived there all year long. They convinced the board to put a sprinkler in the back of the condo also. There was nothing in the back except wild grass!!!! Tony, as I have shared with you, never went to a restaurant, preferring his "nickels worth of pasta" for dinner. Their unit had an illegal deck and Tony built a table so they could eat outside. Barbara planted a garden of local flowers which as I have told you is another name for weeds. Of course, and here I'm being sarcastic, we needed a sprinkler to water Barbara's backyard garden! I should share with you that there were only three units that had doors and illegal decks, so we really didn't need a sprinkler back there. But, it wasn't Tony's money (that's another story). What did he care?
Meryl hated the underground sprinkler in the back. Barbara hated the sprinkler that Meryl used. Barbara and Meryl hated each other. Except when they went to Meryl's mother to dig up more flowers that they could plant at the condo. They couldn't plant these flowers in either garden. They needed a new place. Those weeds went to the pool!!! Because it was Meryl's mother that gave them flowers, they had a short truce in the war. It didn't last long. When we arrived at the condo, for the weekend, each one had a story about the other one. Meryl was convinced that both Tony and Barbara were transvestites. Barbara thought Meryl was crazy. Each one wanted to convince us of their point of view.
Tony wanted to set up confrontations between Meryl and us . That's how he entertained himself when he wasn't watching Sponge Bob or Laurel and Hardy. All we wanted was a quiet, fun- filled weekend!!!
Barbara was in charge of the hose that faced the pool. I should tell you that all of this is condo property. But, nevertheless, she refused to allow my husband to wash our car because it wasn't his hose!!!!! We gave in for the moment. When she wasn't looking he washed the car. Quickly!!!! She could be seen running out of her back door to catch anyone who broke the rules. We didn't want it to be us.
Thank goodness, Barbara and Tony moved away. No wonder no one misses them. As far as Meryl, she continues to harass everyone. But, she is now Queen of the Renters. She's moved up in life.
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