Who Are the People in the Neighborhood? (Tony)

Tony was the most dislikable person on Insane Lane for many reasons. I should like to discuss them one by one and give you examples.

Tony was extremely intrusive. My husband and I liked to have breakfast on the porch in the morning. Tony would walk out of his unit and begin talking and talking. He never asked if you wanted him there or not. You just couldn't get rid of him. He didn't work and had all the time in the world just to talk. He discussed nonsense. It was only later on that we realized that this foolish talk was reserved for us. The big deals were made somewhere else. In the evening, Tony enjoyed standing on our porch and looking into our unit, especially on Friday night, to see what we were eating for dinner!!!!

Tony was a con-man. When I first met him at the pool, he tried to sell me binders for students to organize their work. He wouldn't shut up about them. It was only when I sent him to my hubby, who sent him to someone else, that Tony got off our backs!!! His wife claimed to be an artist and on Sunday nights, right before we were ready to leave, he would tell us that we were invited into his unit for dessert. He wouldn't take, NO, for an answer. It was then that he and his wife tried to sell us some of their ceramic pieces. To shut them up, we purchased a giraffe. We took that back to our house. Then he coned us into buying another piece that we left in the unit. It was that bad!!!! He was very angry that we didn't take it home with us to show our friends. He would have liked more people to con.

He was also a troublemaker. He liked to pit people against each other by telling them that each said something bad about the other. Once he told Millie that my hubby had said something bad about her. She didn't speak to him for a summer and we never knew why until years later.

It also bothered him that we went to restaurants. After a while, I stopped speaking to him. My hubby didn't. He tried to start many fights between us both. He failed miserably.

When the time came for him to move and he asked me if I would miss him, I laughed and said, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!!!!" He didn't like that at all.

As I said at the beginning of this post, Tony talked to us about nonsense. But, in my next post, I will tell you about Tony and the Assessments!!!!

The Vegetable War

Gardening, as research will tell you, can be very relaxing and spiritual. If you own your own home, you can set aside a part of your very own property for your garden. You will decide what to plant. You will decide how many items to plant. You will be working with your hands. You will be working outdoors in the fresh air. At the end of all your hard work, if you are lucky, you will have produced a harvest of vegetables that belong to you!! You can make a creative salad. You can bake the vegetables, stir fry them, boil them or even give them away. They are yours to do with as you wish! Why? The vegetables were planted on your land and they belong to you!!!!!

It is important to understand that there can be no gardening at a condo, unless the owners decide that a portion of the land should be set aside for gardening. This is because the land at a condo, unlike a house, doesn't belong to the owners. It is communal property. The owners must bring this plan to the condo board. The board will vote and decide whether the condo needs a garden. If the board decides in the affirmative, then there are other considerations that the board will have to make. The board may specify what is to be planted, who gets a portion of the produce and how big a portion they are to receive. The board will also decide how much money is to be put in the budget for gardening. One must understand that this will be a decision made by the owners and brought to the board. It is NOT AN INDIVIDUAL DECISION!!!!!!!!!!

Barbara and Tony were on the Board. One day, Barbara decided that another way to save Tony's money was to plant a garden. This way he could have a nightly salad with his "nickels worth of pasta," for dinner every night.

Along with being crazy, Barbara is a liar. She told all the owners that she was planting a garden because she didn't work and needed something to do. She wanted to plant the garden at the pool because it was sunny there. We agreed because she told us that we were all were welcome to reap the benefits of the garden. Even the President agreed, but he would agree to anything if it was free. We could all share in the produce of the garden without the work. We agreed!!!! What a nice thing for an owner to do!!! Right?

Wrong! Barbara seemed to enjoy planting the vegetables. She wasn't creative, but there growing in the garden were tomatoes, cucumbers and lots of lettuce. As soon as these vegetables grew, Barbara would come to the pool daily and pick vegetables for her salad. Jeff was given tomatoes and he was delighted. He loved anything that was for free. But, Barbara only gave him the tomatoes to "buy him off". As President of the condo, he had to sign off on expenditures and Barbara and Tony, as you will see in another post, wanted to do many things with condo money.

The rest of us were not allowed to have any of the vegetables that were grown with our money, on our property. We were left to stare at the vegetables at the pool. When one of us dared to take a tomato, Barbara would come flying to the pool on her broom and yell, "PUT IT BACK!!!" So much for a garden that we all shared.

Quietly, in the dark of night, because the garden belonged to all of us, we would sneak down to the pool and grab a vegetable. Can you imagine how crazy we all looked? Many of us had come from expensive restaurants where we had expensive dinners and here we were, VEGETABLE THIEVES!!!

Barbara knew about this even if she didn't know who took the vegetables. She took her revenge out in many ways as you will see in other posts.

Pearl solved the problem in the only way that a nutcase like Rhonnie can. She began to grow tomatoes and herbs on the porch. Now, when we sat outside, our view was of tomatoes, weeds and broken ceramic pieces.

The War of the Hoses

People who live in summer towns all year long tend to be a bit strange, especially if their home happens to be a one bedroom condo on Insane Lane.

So it was for two residents of Insane Lane, who were owners of one bedroom condos. There names were Barbara and Meryl. They hated each other. Each one wanted to be Queen of the Condo. Each one had control issues. Each one was insane. Sadly, one lived above us and one lived next door to us. We were sandwiched in the middle. This was not a good place to be.

Meryl controlled the sprinkler and the hose in the front of the unit. Everyone who passed by our unit on the way to the dumpster or the pool got soaked every time Meryl turned on the sprinkler. She left it on for hours, at any time of the day or night depending on how angry or drunk she was. (Vodka was her favorite.) Her garden was a collection of local wild flowers, otherwise known as weeds. She went to garage sales and purchased broken ceramic pieces that she decorated the garden and the porch with. My favorite still is a black Scottie dog with an ear missing!

Meryl, as I have shared with you, hates people and loves animals. Even her boyfriend can't train her to use the hose or the sprinkler appropriately.

Barbara, too loved flowers. She was in love with the underground sprinkler. When we first came to Insane Lane, we only had a sprinkler in the front. This makes sense because that is where the flowers are. Barbara and Tony got on the condo board because they were owners and lived there all year long. They convinced the board to put a sprinkler in the back of the condo also. There was nothing in the back except wild grass!!!! Tony, as I have shared with you, never went to a restaurant, preferring his "nickels worth of pasta" for dinner. Their unit had an illegal deck and Tony built a table so they could eat outside. Barbara planted a garden of local flowers which as I have told you is another name for weeds. Of course, and here I'm being sarcastic, we needed a sprinkler to water Barbara's backyard garden! I should share with you that there were only three units that had doors and illegal decks, so we really didn't need a sprinkler back there. But, it wasn't Tony's money (that's another story). What did he care?

Meryl hated the underground sprinkler in the back. Barbara hated the sprinkler that Meryl used. Barbara and Meryl hated each other. Except when they went to Meryl's mother to dig up more flowers that they could plant at the condo. They couldn't plant these flowers in either garden. They needed a new place. Those weeds went to the pool!!! Because it was Meryl's mother that gave them flowers, they had a short truce in the war. It didn't last long. When we arrived at the condo, for the weekend, each one had a story about the other one. Meryl was convinced that both Tony and Barbara were transvestites. Barbara thought Meryl was crazy. Each one wanted to convince us of their point of view.

Tony wanted to set up confrontations between Meryl and us . That's how he entertained himself when he wasn't watching Sponge Bob or Laurel and Hardy. All we wanted was a quiet, fun- filled weekend!!!

Barbara was in charge of the hose that faced the pool. I should tell you that all of this is condo property. But, nevertheless, she refused to allow my husband to wash our car because it wasn't his hose!!!!! We gave in for the moment. When she wasn't looking he washed the car. Quickly!!!! She could be seen running out of her back door to catch anyone who broke the rules. We didn't want it to be us.

Thank goodness, Barbara and Tony moved away. No wonder no one misses them. As far as Meryl, she continues to harass everyone. But, she is now Queen of the Renters. She's moved up in life.

The Renters

According to a renter named Marty,"renting is the lowest form of life." He is a nasty renter. He lies. He is not supposed to have a dog, but he does. It's a really big one. He thinks that he is better than he is. My husband and I split the cleaning of the condo. Marty caught my husband vacuuming and he dared to look at me and say, "what a good girl." I had to put him in his place explaining that marriage means working together. He said that he had been married and I smiled and said, "But, you're not now, are you?"

Renters have been really crazy. This past summer, we had a renter named Joyce who claimed to have been married to a Jewish doctor. She was invited to sit on our porch byMeryl, QUEEN OF THE RENTERS. Se told us all about her sex life and the guys that she met on-line. She claimed to be a nurse, but hooked up with a grave digger named Carl. We met him and noted that they had sex and prepared fish for dinner........but, not at the same time.

There were 3 Italian girls that rented a unit one summer. We called them THE SOPRANOS. I learned a lot about restaurants from them.

We also had an inter-racial couple that rented and they fought in the parking lot.

The best was a gal named Sheila and her second husband, John. All she wanted to do was go to the pool. Barbara, QUEEN OF THE POOL, kept closing it down on her claiming the Board of Health said their were problems. Every time the sign came off the pool door, Sheila ran to the pool, thinking that it was open. NOPE!!! Barbara ran to close it. Sheila complained to Jeff.Jeff told her to talk to Tony. Tony sent her back to Jeff. They played her for a fool. Her husband, John had no use for her. He was laughing with Jeff and Tony.

Paula a young tenant never could quite make it across our part of the sidewalk without getting soaked by the sprinkler while she carried her garbage to the dumpster. She was single and lonely. She adopted a handicapped, abused dog (they are the rage at our development). Next summer we will see how that turns

out.

Meridith and Andre are another interracial couple who rent. They truly like each other and get along with other people. They have an adorable son named Zachary. Next summer, we will see if they are still at the condo.

Another young couple, Keith and Allie live at the condo also. Their little guy, Evan, is adorable. Allie is a officer for NYS Environmental Protection and Keith was in training to be one also. Next summer we will see how that turned out.

What happens with renters is that they come and go and the entire configuration of the condo changes.

Who Are The People In The Neighborhood?

Millie is David's fifth wife. She is about 20 years younger than he is. She is from the Dominican Republic. She speaks Spanish. She has a very thick accent and cannot be understood by anyone, especially when she gets excited.

David did not plan on marrying Millie. However, his Mother died(she was in her 90's) and David told me one day at the pool that it is not good to be alone. The next thing we knew, he had asked Millie to marry him.

David treats Millie like a servant. When they come out for the weekend, he has her cleaning the condo top to bottom. He has her washing the car. She makes him breakfast. Every Saturday and Sunday afternoon Millie can be seen carrying David's lunch to the pool. We all get to see his lunch. He eats a half of a sandwich. Then Millie takes the dishes back and washes them and comes back to the pool.

Millie sits in the shade at the pool because she is very dark. Unlike David, she hates the sun. If she didn't speak, you would think that she was a selective mute.

This is the worst time of the day for everyone . Millie speaks to everyone in a very loud voice. Forget about reading or sleeping!!! She also wants to know what activities everyone has planned for the weekend. But, you can't tell her because then she wants Jeff to take her to these places. Se gets angry. She yells. He just lays on the lounge to get sun. She is right. She has said that there is no point to come out to the condo and do nothing.

David purchased 2 bicycles. He and Millie do go bicycle riding to the corner. That takes about 30 minutes. One weekend, David invited his daughter and her now ex-husband. David and Laura went bike riding and Millie chased the bike!!

It's a sad life for Millie, but maybe not. She is divorced from a Greek construction worker. She has a son. Maybe this is better.

Like clockwork, on Sunday afternoon at 4:00 Jeff drives back to the city with Linda. Another weekend is over.

Who Are the People in the Neigborhood?

The title of this entry has to do with Sesame Street, a street where everyone was different but tried to get along. On Insane Lane, these people are different and no one tries to get along. I would like in this post to introduce you to the people of Insane Lane.

I also need to tell you, that there is a class system on Insane Lane. There are renters and owners. The owners look down on the renters. Barbara and Tony look down on the renters and the owners who do not fix up their units. Pearl hates everyone!!!

First, let me tell you about David. David  is "the man at the end". He has this title because he lives in the first condo off the main road. He is the President of the development. One might think that this should make him friendly, but, you're wrong. He will only speak to you if it is necessary. As a matter of fact, he will only speak to anyone, if it is necessary. He likes to put his sun chair in front of his unit when he arrives. It is the unwritten rule that you must go and say hello to him. He will never just walk over to your unit to say hello to you. He only comes in the summer months and worships the pool. I will see him in his bathing trunks, carrying water and a towel rushing to get to the pool so that he can get more sun than anyone else. When he is forced to greet my husband, his only question is, "when did you get here.?" The correct answer should be, "after you," but my hubby likes to annoyJeff by saying things like early in the morning or yesterday. This is an attempt to upset Jeff who wants to get more sun than you.

It is futile to make conversation at the pool unless you want to listen to stories of David's old cases(he is an attorney) that go back 50 years. David  wants to lay on his lounge, put sun oil on and fry. It is understood that you can't EVER, EVER sit on David's lounge even when he isn't in it.When he is at the pool, he doesn't sleep, but listens to all the conversations.

At selected times in the afternoon, without a word, he will jump in the pool and say, "refreshing." End of conversation!!!!

My husband did try to talk to David. One conversation that they had was about Krispi Creme Donuts. It was a short conversation as David announced that he hadn't had a donut in 40 years. End of discussion.

David doesn't invite people to the condo very much. When he does, I have to give them bottled water because he doesn't serve anything.

He has been married 5 times. He is presently married to Millie. They go out to dinner after 9PM. David always brings back more than 1/2 of his dinners because the portions are always huge. He doesn't want to know where you go because his wife may want to go there too and then he would have to spend money. It is a cardinal sin if you mention a restaurant. My husband did that once and an entire summer went by before David spoke to him again.

One of our daughters came for the weekend one year. We took her to a really fun restaurant. I was out walking, but she mentioned the restaurant at the pool the next day. She didn't know the Restaurant Rule. Anyway,Linda heard and wanted to take her daughter there. David vetoed it and a huge fight broke out. Needless to say that Millie didn't get to go to the restaurant and my husband was punished. An entire summer later, or maybe two, David spoke to him again.

There were two important people in David's life, Millie and Tony. In my next post, I'll tell you about another person in the neighborhood.

Mornings at the Condo

Mornings at the condo, for me, are the most peaceful part of the day. I usually will get up at sunrise. We try, if it's not too hot to keep the windows open. I can see the sun rising and hear the trains as they leave the station in a nearby town.

I love to walk for about 2 hours in the very early morning. This is the time that the deer can be seen. It's the most wonderful experience to be walking, listening to an I-POD, and all of a sudden a deer crosses the road. You stare at him and he stares at you. Sometimes, you see baby deer. Then there are the cotton tails, the squirrels and the birds. It's like a Disney movie.

The difficulty occurs when I return to the condo. In the morning Meryl is QUEEN OF THE SPRINKLER. She has already watered the entire porch so that we can't sit on it. She has soaked the chairs and the bench. She has also turned on the sprinkler going back and forth so that in order to get back inside, I must dodge the water or jump onto the porch from the side. Her boyfriend has tried to show her how to set up the sprinkler so as not to annoy anyone. Her answer had to do with the fact that she doesn't care. She hates people and doesn't care what she does to annoy them. It's not just me. Anyone that walks by gets soaked with water. Jane, one of the renters, has been soaked countless times as she carries garbage to the dumpster and has to dodge the sprinkler.

Tony and Barbara who live next door to us love to start trouble. They will swear that Meryl does this only when we arrive for the weekend. All I can say is, eat your heart out Meryl, you jealous bitch!!  As far as Barbara and Tony go, he has admitted on many occasions that he likes to start trouble between people. Who knows if what he says is true?

If I'm lucky, and here I'm being sarcastic, to meet Meryl and her boyfriend Bill when I come back from walking, they will always want to know where my husband is. It bothers them that he is sleeping. Why isn't he walking with you? Doesn't that bother you? I will always smile and tell them that they wouldn't understand that it is compromise that makes a marriage work. I also thank Meryl for the sprinkler being on because after you break a sweat from exercise it's nice to have a cool down!!!

I know that this is what really bothers her.

Soon after this exchange, she will turn the sprinkler off.

I know that later on, before we go out and have breakfast, when she isn't looking, I will soak the porch with the watering can. Bill likes to sit outside in the morning drinking coffee in his bathrobe and now he can't. I smile as we leave to go out to breakfast!!!!!

Privacy Problems at the Condo

After a hard day most people like to go home and relax. That relaxation may take the form of cooking, or eating or simply going to the bathroom. A person closes the door to her home and expects privacy.

I am here to tell you that there is no privacy if you live on the bottom condo on Insane Lane!!!!!!!! Let me now tell you some true stories. I use the word true because some of my readers think that I'm making this stuff up. I swear that all of this is true.

Barbara and her husband Tony NEVER go out to eat. He believes that dinner is a "nickels worth of pasta". They live next door to us and it always bothered them that we would frequent restaurants when we went out east. Well, what were we supposed to do in a vacation home? Start cooking? For that I could have stayed home. But, I didn't want to argue so I began not to tell her when we were going out and I would tell her that I was cooking. One night, she appeared at my kitchen window to tell me that she didn't smell anything cooking. I almost jumped out of my skin. The woman was almost 6 feet tall and yes, she could see in to the kitchen!!!

On Friday nights, my husband and I would observe the Sabbath. The great room functioned as both a living room and a dining room. We kept the windows open in late spring because there was a lovely breeze from the bay. Wouldn't you know it! There were both Barbara and Tony looking in our windows to see what we were eating. You might want to know how they could do this. The porch is common property and since our windows faced the porch, they could look right in. My solution? I didn't say a word. I just closed the blinds in their faces.

We had problems with the bathroom also. Tony walked by while my hubby was on the toilet and conducted an entire conversation until he smelled something funny. Then he realized what he was smelling and he never came back to our bathroom window again. However, that didn't stop Barbara from placing one of her ceramic statues in front of our bathroom window. The statue had curly brown hair. My daughter was on the toilet this time and got really angry that I was snooping on her. You can imagine how angry she was to discover that it wasn't me, but a statue. Her comment was,"What kind of an idiot does that?"

Meryl calls everyone "white trash". However, Meryl has a unique definition of that term.Being Meryl, the definition changes by the moment. One day, she became hysterical because my husbands  shoes were wet and he placed them in front of our door. She told him that only "white trash" does that. She also threw my bathing suit on the floor because only "white trash" would leave a bathing suit on a chair to dry.

Why didn't we complain? We did. We complained to the President of the condo who said that Meryl was our cross to bear. Everyone had issues with her. Because of the proximity of her unit to ours we had more problems than most. Each year my husband says that we should sell the unit. But, we don't want to give up the life style.

One of the reasons that I am writing this blog is to make light of very crazy people. And Tony and Barbara? They have since moved away!!!!! And when they did and he asked me if I would miss him, my response was, "You have to be crazy!"

However, before we got to that point, there were many other stories.

My advice to anyone looking for a condo is to purchase the top level. No one will bother you then. However, beware of someone with a tall ladder.

Who Shall Live? Who Shall Die at the Condo?

What is the criteria for life and death? If you are religious, you might say that it is God's will. Jewish people for example say that on Yom Kippur you are sealed in the Book of Life. Doctors have another definition. Genetics they tell you plays a role. If your parents lived until 100, you have longevity on your side. They will also tell you to exercise and eat healthy.

At my condo, we have another definition for life and death. If you are useful and can do something to move the condo forward, you can live. This eliminates one elderly lady that spends her time sitting in the sun being visited by family. She is a wonderful person but is deemed unproductive by the condo board, especially Barbara. "What use is she," Barbara has said to me on occasion. The implication is that she is should not be here.

I have been told that I am unproductive also as befits the values of the condo. I work five days a week. However, when I arrive at the condo on weekends, I don't weed the plants or water them. I don't clean the grounds. I was under the impression that the gardner , who the condo pays, does this. But, Barbara says no. It should be me. I have to pull my weight.

I haven't been deemed useless yet because I do have a commodity that Barbara and her hubby want. I have money. Both Barbara and her hubby don't work and their philosophy is that my money is their money. They are willing to tolerate my lack of skills as long as I purchase the ceramic pieces that Barbara makes.

So far, I have been harassed into purchasing two ceramic pieces. But that's the topic for another blog.

Rules for All the Animals at the Condo

We were soon to discover that there were many complicated rules for animals that lived at the condo and those that visited. Thanks to Meryl, these rules changed constantly depending on who Meryl hated at the moment. Animals that lived inside, like George the Cat (because he was declawed) were not affected by these rules because he never ventured outside.

However, animals that lived outside had to live by the rules. Birds were fed by Meryl all day long and they could shit on anyone's car. Marty and Myrna who lived in the next condo had their car pelted daily with bird shit. We would come home, from the beach to many a screaming fight between Myrna and Meryl. Meryl always won because she lived in the one bedroom condo all year long and people were afraid of the damage that Meryl could do in the off season.Meryl held some tenants keys and could get in and out of apartments .

Then there were the feral cats that Meryl named with names like Baby, Little Baby, Stupid Baby etc. Cat food and water were put out daily by the left front wheel of Meryl's rented car. As I have told you, our common door was left open so that these cats or their relatives could run into our common hallway and up the stairs to Meryl's  apartment. These cats could be found daily sunning themselves on everyone's car. Another reason for a fight between Myrna and Meryl. Marty and Myrna have a new car. Why would they want a dirty cat on it?

The feral cats food attracted the raccoons. Now that can be dangerous if one bites you. Rabies after all is not good to have. When I called the Board of Health, they told me that unless a raccoon bites you, he is protected under the law. So what do I do, hang a sign on him if he bites?

Dogs lived here too. Meryl once sent out a letter (she was on the board at this time) telling owners that only little dogs that weighed under 3 pounds could go to the pool. That's because my hubby was playing catch with a friendly collie and Meryl became jealous.

Dogs needed leashes. This makes sense. Right? A friendly dog that lived across the street came to visit without his owner. Now that's a real crime. Another owner named Barbara put all this dogs shit on a shovel and delivered it to the fellow who lived across the street. What a way to make friends!!!!!

Dogs also had pool privileges especially if they belong to Meryl. They can swim to their delight in our pool. And they can bring friends. Rhonnie has a boyfriend and his dog frequents the pool also.

Needless to say, people don't swim at all. The beach looks better and better!!!!

George the Cat, A Dog and Meryl

It is a well known fact that people enjoy having pets. My husband and I had a cat named George for many years. George hated the cat carrier, but he absolutely loved going to the condo. He loved to sit on the window ledge in the living room and watch life go by.

That was to change on one fatal day when Meryl let her dog run into our unit. The dog, who has since died and we can't say bad things about the deceased, chased poor George all around the condo. George finally jumped up into his favorite window ledge and crashed into the window because it was closed. George finally succeeded in hiding under the bed where the dog couldn't reach him.

Needless to say that the dog was never invited into our condo again.

George has since gone to cat heaven, but I never forgot that terrible day.

And it's one reason that we feel that Meryl is disturbed. Who allows a dog to chase a cat in someone elses home? The answer, an insane person like Meryl.

The Keys to the Condo

When I leave my house, I lock the door and put my very own set of keys in my pocketbook.

But, alas, a condo is an entirely different animal. I have 2 keys to my condo.

First, there is the key to the common door. How do I decide whether to leave it open or closed. Normally, my neighbor and I will decide that together. However, on Insane Lane, my neighbor may decide to lock the door when I expect it to be open. Or my neighbor may leave the door wide open(for the feral cats to get in and out) when I expect it to be closed, like at night when I expect to be sleeping!!!!!

When I first purchased my condo, since there is no Management System, my neighbor said that he/she would hold my key in case there was a problem in the winter. A problem was defined as a fire or a funny smell coming out if my condo. What did I know? I gave him/her the key to the condo. After all, I wasn't going to be there and wasn't that nice that someone was helpful?

MY HEATING BILLS WERE ASTRONOMICAL THAT WINTER. And I didn't realize this until my neighbor told me that my washer and dryer needed to be fixed because they were broken when he/she tried to use them.

Obviously, I got a locksmith to make up a new key to my condo and never gave my key out again.

Now I get phone calls at least once a winter with some imaginary emergency and my hubby and I drive out east to realize that the only problem is in my neighbor's mind!!!!!

The Layout of the Condo

When you purchase a condo, you have to be very careful of its layout. I don't mean the actual space that you have, but the layout and the proximity that you have to your neighbors. This can be very critical for your sanity. One goes to a vacation home in order to avoid stress, not to create more stress. Since one doesn't know when one purchases a condo, who the neighbors are, one should be careful of layout.

First of all, make sure that you do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE share a COMMON DOOR. This already is an ingredient for trouble. It means that you and the unknown neighbor actually share something before you get to know each other. Suppose the unknown neighbor is nuts. Now you have to negotiate the door.Should the door be open? Or closed? Who gets to lock the door? When can it be locked? When can it be opened?Why?What about the screen door? Who controls that? Should it be open or closed? When? Also, the door leads to a common hallway and now you have more trouble.

Who controls what is placed in the hallway? Who controls the walls? Who controls the smell in the hallway? You or the neighbor? Suppose the neighbor doesn't know how to share? Now you have real trouble!!!!!~~!~!!!!!!!

Secondly, make sure that you do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE share a PORCH or a DECK. This is another ingredient for trouble. Who gets to sit on the deck or porch? And when can they sit there? What can be worn on the deck or porch? Who decides on the type of chairs that you have, or the tables? What food or drink can you have there? Can you invite company? Is your company, their company or visa versa? Can you barbeque on the deck or porch? Who makes that decision? Can the porch or deck be decorated? Suppose you hate flowers and your neighbor stuffs the entire area up with them? How late can you sit on the deck or porch? How early can you sit on it? Will it be quiet on the deck or porch or will other annoying neighbors bother you when all you want is quiet after a hard week at work?

If you live on the bottom level, will the upstairs neighbor complain that you are too quiet and you can't be heard having sex? If you live on the top level, will you make so much noise clomping around like a horse, that the bottom neighbor hears you whenever you move?

Who will carry up your groceries when you live on the top condo? The guy on the bottom? I doubt it!!!!!

I haven't even begun to discuss the keys which I will discuss in my next blog.

My Husband Isn't Stupid/Meryl is Nuts

I will be writing a lot about Meryl, my neighbor, in this blog. For the moment, it is sufficient to say that Meryl is really insane. She will tell you that she hats people and loves only animals. She really doesn't love animals either. She has had 2 dogs and has spent a lot of time outside, yelling at them and calling them horrible names. She doesn't like to walk them either. She will only stand in front of the condo unit until they have peed or shitted and then pull them back inside. The second dog, wanted to go for a walk and they battled constantly. Since, these were little dogs, the second one lost the battle as she wad picked up and carried inside.

Meryl also loves stray cats and feeds them constantly. That lends itself to many problems as all the ferral cats in the neighborhood know our development. They sit on cars outside the units. But, that'd a story for another day.

She also loves birds and raccoons and feeds them also.

Meryl hates men more than women. She was a huge disappointment to her father when she ran away with a man 40 years older than she was and married him and had a child. The husband divorced her. The daughter became a drug addict and hates her too. She is constantly berating the male sex.

It's not just my husband she hates, but people.....especially men!!!!!

Condo Dreams

The husband and I had such amazing dreams for our condo. It was to be a summer place. We would not have to pack suitcases and go on vacation again. This was to be our vacation. We could invite friends and family to stay with us. We could leave clothes and food there. We could drink. We could walk. We could ride bikes. We now owned a piece of a real swimming pool. W could go to the beach and the restaurants. Wow!!! We now owned two pieces of property, a home and a summer home! We had made it!!!!!!!

Our condo was part of a small development. People came for the summers and people lived there all year long. That meant that the development could never close! We could comer any time in the year to play.

We didn't know the people, but we thought that it would be wonderful!!!

Welcome to Insane Lane

I always thought that living in a condo on the east end of Long Island would be a lot of fun. I purchased my condo 10 years ago. It was to be a summer "beach shack" for me and my husband to go to the beach, the clubs and the restaurants. We didn't have a great deal of money to spend.

We met a broker named Meryl and she told us that there was a condo available in her development. The price was right so we agreed to go look at it. I should have known something was wrong when she didn't have the key and we had to break into the unit by pushing the living room window up and crawling in!!!!!!

I also should have known that something was wrong when she announced that she would not deal with my husband, just me because he was too stupid to deal with.