CANCER

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that my husband survived the congestive heart failure only to be hit with cancer on the day that he celebrated coming home from the hospital. We managed to go to the condo on July 4th weekend and had a mini-vacation the next week, during the week. But now, he's really in to the chemotherapy and the condo I fear won't be an option. It will be forgotten.

End Stage Congestive Heart Failure/Compromised Kidneys

It is with a sad heart that I tell you that I don't know when we will get to the condo. My husband has congestive heart failure in the end stages and at this point the condo is not an option. He also has compromised kidneys. I won't even visualize my condo. It's just too sad.

The Summer of 2010

I have told you everything that there is to tell about our condo on Insane Lane. You will have to wait patiently until the Summer of 2010 to continue to again hear stories about the characters who live on Insane Lane.

So......until that time when the sunshines brightly and the temperatures are hot, I bid you goodbye. 

Have a safe and happy winter, my dear readers. See you in May 2010!!!!

Tony and Condo Assessments

Tony didn't work. He was a con man as I have told you in the last post. He would walk up and down the sidewalk in front of our condos thinking. He was a very strange creature. He wore his hair in a pony tail. He wore blue tea shirts and long tight jeans even in the hottest weather.

Until he hooked up with David, the President, he was very tame. But, once the two of them found each other, their con jobs began.

The way to make money was to assess the owners of the condo. You could jack up the price for anything and rip people off. The first summer, it was decided that the condo needed new siding. The assessment was huge. Linda's ex-husband was awarded the job. After all, let's keep the money in the family! It was decided that each units windows would get shutters. Except ours. When I found that out, I refused to pay the assessment until I got the shutters. I was fined by the condo board. I was threatened by Jeff. But, I didn't give in. Each month my maintenance bill included a fine because I would not pay the assessment. Finally, Tony and Jeff caved in. They had lost. They lost to a woman. They hated me and I hated them right back.

The next summer it was decided that we needed an underground sprinkler in the back. Let me remind you that the back was full of weeds. But, Tony and Jeff created an assessment and you guessed it, we paid!!!

It was sad to do this to most of the owners. They lived in this condo all year long and many were quite poor. But, did Tony and David care? Nope!!!!! They cared about filling their pockets with ill gotten money.

The following summer, Tony decided that we needed a new pool. There was nothing wrong with our old pool. But, a pattern began to emerge. Tony had a 5 year plan or so he told me. He wanted to sell the condo in 5 years. All these improvements made his unit look better. He campaigned for the pool and carried on until the owners agreed that we needed to have a new pool. The assessment was huge. We now have an Italian style swimming pool complete with expensive pavers. Barbara tried to con us one Memorial Day Weekend, to come to a pizza party. In reality she wanted us to put sand between the pavers. We didn't go.

There was no railing for the pool. Consequently, I couldn't get down the steps. Neither man was going to give me a railing until I realized that the pool was a public pool. I called the Board of Health and got my railing. I was to call the Board of Health many times in the following summers. Barbara became THE DICTATOR OF THE CLORINE and each time she closed the pool, I made my call. In reality she swam in the pool daily. She thought that the pool belonged to her and wouldn't let anyone use it.

The assessments continued whenever Tony needed money. Since he didn't work, he always needed money. One assessment dealt with the fact that Tony felt that the condo was sinking and we needed to strengthen the foundation. We paid.

Another dealt with connecting the washers and dryers to make sure that they were properly vented. He needed everyone's key. We refused to give him ours because we lived not more than 1 hour away. He was furious, but stuck. We got our way.

Tony was always thinking of little scams. Once, he wanted to charge visitors who parked their cars in the visitors parking lot.

He even coned the young man who bought his apartment as an investment. Jeff and Tony told this young man, that they had a renter for him. That turned out to be another lie.

The sun was shining on the day that Barbara and Tony moved. I hope that they met people like themselves.

Who Are the People in the Neighborhood? (Tony)

Tony was the most dislikable person on Insane Lane for many reasons. I should like to discuss them one by one and give you examples.

Tony was extremely intrusive. My husband and I liked to have breakfast on the porch in the morning. Tony would walk out of his unit and begin talking and talking. He never asked if you wanted him there or not. You just couldn't get rid of him. He didn't work and had all the time in the world just to talk. He discussed nonsense. It was only later on that we realized that this foolish talk was reserved for us. The big deals were made somewhere else. In the evening, Tony enjoyed standing on our porch and looking into our unit, especially on Friday night, to see what we were eating for dinner!!!!

Tony was a con-man. When I first met him at the pool, he tried to sell me binders for students to organize their work. He wouldn't shut up about them. It was only when I sent him to my hubby, who sent him to someone else, that Tony got off our backs!!! His wife claimed to be an artist and on Sunday nights, right before we were ready to leave, he would tell us that we were invited into his unit for dessert. He wouldn't take, NO, for an answer. It was then that he and his wife tried to sell us some of their ceramic pieces. To shut them up, we purchased a giraffe. We took that back to our house. Then he coned us into buying another piece that we left in the unit. It was that bad!!!! He was very angry that we didn't take it home with us to show our friends. He would have liked more people to con.

He was also a troublemaker. He liked to pit people against each other by telling them that each said something bad about the other. Once he told Millie that my hubby had said something bad about her. She didn't speak to him for a summer and we never knew why until years later.

It also bothered him that we went to restaurants. After a while, I stopped speaking to him. My hubby didn't. He tried to start many fights between us both. He failed miserably.

When the time came for him to move and he asked me if I would miss him, I laughed and said, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!!!!" He didn't like that at all.

As I said at the beginning of this post, Tony talked to us about nonsense. But, in my next post, I will tell you about Tony and the Assessments!!!!

The Vegetable War

Gardening, as research will tell you, can be very relaxing and spiritual. If you own your own home, you can set aside a part of your very own property for your garden. You will decide what to plant. You will decide how many items to plant. You will be working with your hands. You will be working outdoors in the fresh air. At the end of all your hard work, if you are lucky, you will have produced a harvest of vegetables that belong to you!! You can make a creative salad. You can bake the vegetables, stir fry them, boil them or even give them away. They are yours to do with as you wish! Why? The vegetables were planted on your land and they belong to you!!!!!

It is important to understand that there can be no gardening at a condo, unless the owners decide that a portion of the land should be set aside for gardening. This is because the land at a condo, unlike a house, doesn't belong to the owners. It is communal property. The owners must bring this plan to the condo board. The board will vote and decide whether the condo needs a garden. If the board decides in the affirmative, then there are other considerations that the board will have to make. The board may specify what is to be planted, who gets a portion of the produce and how big a portion they are to receive. The board will also decide how much money is to be put in the budget for gardening. One must understand that this will be a decision made by the owners and brought to the board. It is NOT AN INDIVIDUAL DECISION!!!!!!!!!!

Barbara and Tony were on the Board. One day, Barbara decided that another way to save Tony's money was to plant a garden. This way he could have a nightly salad with his "nickels worth of pasta," for dinner every night.

Along with being crazy, Barbara is a liar. She told all the owners that she was planting a garden because she didn't work and needed something to do. She wanted to plant the garden at the pool because it was sunny there. We agreed because she told us that we were all were welcome to reap the benefits of the garden. Even the President agreed, but he would agree to anything if it was free. We could all share in the produce of the garden without the work. We agreed!!!! What a nice thing for an owner to do!!! Right?

Wrong! Barbara seemed to enjoy planting the vegetables. She wasn't creative, but there growing in the garden were tomatoes, cucumbers and lots of lettuce. As soon as these vegetables grew, Barbara would come to the pool daily and pick vegetables for her salad. Jeff was given tomatoes and he was delighted. He loved anything that was for free. But, Barbara only gave him the tomatoes to "buy him off". As President of the condo, he had to sign off on expenditures and Barbara and Tony, as you will see in another post, wanted to do many things with condo money.

The rest of us were not allowed to have any of the vegetables that were grown with our money, on our property. We were left to stare at the vegetables at the pool. When one of us dared to take a tomato, Barbara would come flying to the pool on her broom and yell, "PUT IT BACK!!!" So much for a garden that we all shared.

Quietly, in the dark of night, because the garden belonged to all of us, we would sneak down to the pool and grab a vegetable. Can you imagine how crazy we all looked? Many of us had come from expensive restaurants where we had expensive dinners and here we were, VEGETABLE THIEVES!!!

Barbara knew about this even if she didn't know who took the vegetables. She took her revenge out in many ways as you will see in other posts.

Pearl solved the problem in the only way that a nutcase like Rhonnie can. She began to grow tomatoes and herbs on the porch. Now, when we sat outside, our view was of tomatoes, weeds and broken ceramic pieces.

The War of the Hoses

People who live in summer towns all year long tend to be a bit strange, especially if their home happens to be a one bedroom condo on Insane Lane.

So it was for two residents of Insane Lane, who were owners of one bedroom condos. There names were Barbara and Meryl. They hated each other. Each one wanted to be Queen of the Condo. Each one had control issues. Each one was insane. Sadly, one lived above us and one lived next door to us. We were sandwiched in the middle. This was not a good place to be.

Meryl controlled the sprinkler and the hose in the front of the unit. Everyone who passed by our unit on the way to the dumpster or the pool got soaked every time Meryl turned on the sprinkler. She left it on for hours, at any time of the day or night depending on how angry or drunk she was. (Vodka was her favorite.) Her garden was a collection of local wild flowers, otherwise known as weeds. She went to garage sales and purchased broken ceramic pieces that she decorated the garden and the porch with. My favorite still is a black Scottie dog with an ear missing!

Meryl, as I have shared with you, hates people and loves animals. Even her boyfriend can't train her to use the hose or the sprinkler appropriately.

Barbara, too loved flowers. She was in love with the underground sprinkler. When we first came to Insane Lane, we only had a sprinkler in the front. This makes sense because that is where the flowers are. Barbara and Tony got on the condo board because they were owners and lived there all year long. They convinced the board to put a sprinkler in the back of the condo also. There was nothing in the back except wild grass!!!! Tony, as I have shared with you, never went to a restaurant, preferring his "nickels worth of pasta" for dinner. Their unit had an illegal deck and Tony built a table so they could eat outside. Barbara planted a garden of local flowers which as I have told you is another name for weeds. Of course, and here I'm being sarcastic, we needed a sprinkler to water Barbara's backyard garden! I should share with you that there were only three units that had doors and illegal decks, so we really didn't need a sprinkler back there. But, it wasn't Tony's money (that's another story). What did he care?

Meryl hated the underground sprinkler in the back. Barbara hated the sprinkler that Meryl used. Barbara and Meryl hated each other. Except when they went to Meryl's mother to dig up more flowers that they could plant at the condo. They couldn't plant these flowers in either garden. They needed a new place. Those weeds went to the pool!!! Because it was Meryl's mother that gave them flowers, they had a short truce in the war. It didn't last long. When we arrived at the condo, for the weekend, each one had a story about the other one. Meryl was convinced that both Tony and Barbara were transvestites. Barbara thought Meryl was crazy. Each one wanted to convince us of their point of view.

Tony wanted to set up confrontations between Meryl and us . That's how he entertained himself when he wasn't watching Sponge Bob or Laurel and Hardy. All we wanted was a quiet, fun- filled weekend!!!

Barbara was in charge of the hose that faced the pool. I should tell you that all of this is condo property. But, nevertheless, she refused to allow my husband to wash our car because it wasn't his hose!!!!! We gave in for the moment. When she wasn't looking he washed the car. Quickly!!!! She could be seen running out of her back door to catch anyone who broke the rules. We didn't want it to be us.

Thank goodness, Barbara and Tony moved away. No wonder no one misses them. As far as Meryl, she continues to harass everyone. But, she is now Queen of the Renters. She's moved up in life.